Both of us cheated

by mgirl
(Michigan)

Ive been with the same guy since I was 15.Im 31 now.I had a son with him when I was 16.He took care of me and our son and we had 2 more kids together.We have been through a lot together over the years.But he is a good guy.He didnt have many friends and he never did anything without me or without me planning it.He cleans and cooks and doesnt complain if I go out with friends.My family and friends have always liked him.About 2 years ago I came across my first love,I got caught up in it and had sex with him,he didnt share my feelings and just wanted sex.My husband found out abt me talking to him but not the sex.I quit talking to this guy and about 9 months later I did again.I decided I didnt want to cheat so my husband moved out,I told him I wasnt happy and we needed to seperate.i figured if I was happy I wouldnt be drawn to cheating.The 3 months he was gone he pretty much told me he wanted only me and would do anything to make me happy.I stopped talking to this guy again and he moved back in to make our marriage work.A few months later I seen he had shared a few fb messages with an old girlfriend.I was very hurt and he was very sorry hugging me and cuddling me and even crying himself,i forgave him after a few days of crying considering what i had done wasnt any better.About 6 months later I started talking with that guy again,i was obsessed with him I guess.Very stupid.Mainly only texting I rarely would see this guy,i did have sex one more time with him,i was more into him than him me.Then i stopped talking to him again.I then met another man who seemed pretty awesome I was really liking him,I wrote my husband a 6 page letter on why we just werent good for each other.That I loved him but i guess having a baby with him so young you do whats right not thinking about what you want in a partner for the rest of your life.He was upset and mad that I didnt want to be with him anymore.I felt awful because I knew i had been unfaithful.I had been faithful for 13 years and im not sure why i did it the only thing i can think of is that i was unhappy.I was looking for someone to make me happy. A few weeks after I gave him this letter I put a keylogger on our computer.Just out of curiosity.I found that 2day prior my husband had emailed a girl,i was able to get his password and and read about 1 weeks worth of these messages.He was begging her not to tell anyone what they had done in the past.she was telling him she would always love him but she was mad because he wasnt leaving me for her.This was a very bad day and I was able to find out they had been talking and having sex on and off again since he had moved out for 3 months a year and a half prior.So all this time i was feeling like the shittiest person alive and he had been doing it all along! He said they hadnt had sex since last year but i found out from her it was 2 weeks ago! And 2 months ago! After much anger and sadness i confessed everything i had done in the last two years.After a ton of crying and realizing what we werent getting from each other we decided to try and make it work.The next 2 weeks were wonderful besides a day or 2 of me getting upset.He wasnt shocked abt my affairs because I told him i wasnt happy,he pretended to be happy and i had no idea ever he was doing this.Anyway he changed his phone number and I have all his passwords,he seems sick and upset over the whole thing.Said she was someone to talk to when i was pushing him away and she claimed to be in the same situation.So after 2 good weeks i get a fb message from a friend of hers telling me to let Jason know she is pregnant!!! I was seriosly upset he claimed to have used a condom and pulled out the most recent time and the time before only had sex for 10 seconds and stopped because it was in her car and awkward.Says no way is it his.I had a day of texting this girl and her calling me names and bringing up **** he told her about me throwing it in my face.he hates her and says she is crazy.I dont think its his but who know.i know this sounds nuts but despite this he is a good guy,but for real this **** is crazy is it possible for me to forgive him??? He has forgiven me