Broken

by Ginny
(Oklahoma City)

My world is truly broken so much has been left unspoken
You said you loved me...
Why am I not good enough? You say it has nothing to do with me, oh but it does
It really does...
Is she that PRESCIOUS to you? (yes, i know who she is this time...)
Is she Worth losing me? I hope so...
I do wish you a life filled with happiness, love & joy John
Are you capable? I know you are, I've been there with you
In that place
Your actions say far more then your meaningless words ever have
Why did you do this to us? Time after time...
I meant nothing to you, at a time in our lives when we should begin the journey
Of growing old together, sharing our girls, our grandchildren
Insecurities...a wise woman said, I've always been THERE for you, haven't I?
You just cannot be alone, not even for a moment, insecure?
The hunt, the chase the conquering, that is what is attractive to you
Your young women will tire of you, know that. Perhaps you will tire of them, to be sure
You are special, handsome, charming and funny
This you know, but when you cheat on the woman you claim to love
Those qualities mean nothing, for you just use them on the next woman, they are not for me
How could you endear yourself into our lives?
I share you with so many, our families, your program, your work & the other women too
It is unacceptable to me, I will not do this anymore. I deserve better, I gave you better.
I wanted to share my life with you honey, I love you with all of my heart & yes, I dreamed of marrying you, I'm such a fool.
We have plans for your 50th birthday, going away to stay in a treehouse! Your birthday gift from me
My final gift to you, when we return I'm leaving you. My heart is broken, my spirit is broken, my trust in you is gone. In the beginning you said you didn't want to f@#€ this up, I tried to forgive you & I just can't. I can no longer be obsessed with wondering if you are with Prescious.
So, just go be with her, always, if that is what you want... I will not be the reason you do not do exactly as you wish. I know I will be devastated, depressed, lonely & once more, broken hearted
As you always say, "I would miss you, but I know I will be ok" perhaps...
I can do the same. My life will be better for having known you, I will miss you and your wonderful family, but I'm broken into a million little pieces, I'm broken.
This decision is mine, I'm taking it away from you, just as you took my love for you and shit all over it, you are the reason I'm broken. The choice I have made will alter my life forever and perhaps render me useless to myself, my life, I'm too broken to care anymore. You text her when I'm sitting right there watching you, how could you do that? You stood her up on a Thursday, I wonder how many Thursdays you didn't stand her up? It doesn't matter really, the relationship we have is between you and I, not you, I and someone else. I'm quite sure she is a lovely woman, she has beautiful children & a new granddaughter too. Enjoy them, be good to her & her kids. Be faithful to her, I'm sure she deserves that, so do you & so do I. But I don't want that anymore. I'm tired of playing with the players, I got no game left, unlike you, you have plenty of game left little Dutch man, go get you some!
I'm not even looking forward to this trip, I just want to have one last nice time pretending you are mine & I am yours, that much game I guess I still have. It's just so hard to let it all go, but it means nothing to you, You & i mean nothing to you. I do love you, I have always loved you, I have given you love, you kinda gave me love too, but! I'm broken now, by your betrayal.