Confused over his affair

by Becky
(UK)

I want opinions on whether you think this is an affair or not. Husband has mentored a younger, single female at work for the past 6 years.

In the last 2 years he has lent her money, see's her frequently,he went to extreme measures to hide his cell phone, socializes a lot with her.

I have suspected that more is going on and he always denies it saying that she is his best friend.

He has accepted eventually that he spends too much time with her but he says he is not attracted to her in any way (she is a very attractive woman).

Things came to a head a month or so back when someone emailed photos of them together arm in arm, they were also seen laughing and giggling together, and he lied to me about what time he arrived home, which was not the first time. he said that he was supporting her up as she was drunk and liable to fall over!.

After months of arguing he has agreed not to see her so much, he wants to repair the damage he has done.

He says he feels guilty now knowing how I have felt over his behaviour and wants to make it all okay but will not do a Lie Detector test as he is "shy" and he will find it so humiliating and that I should just believe him that she means nothing to him in a sexual way, although he likes her company.

There have been many more things over time but would all take to long to explain. He has never stopped making love to me, if anything he wants sex more, he has become even more attentive to me since I first confronted him over this about 6 months ago, but to me that is just guilt.

Incidentally he told me she has started dating someone now? but I feel he just says things like that to put me off the scent.

I just get so confused about the lies, although he always denies lying to me. What shall I do next? we have 3 children and been married 19 years.

Comments for Confused over his affair

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I hate to break it to you
by: Anonymous

but a man would NEVER spend that much time with someone for more than a few months with out it eventually leading to sex.

He is her sugar daddy...he gives her money, has sex w/ her, and is quite possibly in love w/ her, but he won't break up the home.

In exchange for not being a full lover to the younger woman, he gives her money and allows her to date maybe.

I've been the sugar baby enough to know how it works, unfortunately. He is scum; he has his cake and eats it too, and the fact that you two are still intimate is just sad.

It's sad b/c this problem isn't about sex, it's about him. He's not capable of being satisfied in a healthy way, he's probably already addicted to the lying and neither you or the younger woman should keep enabling his little fantasy life.

Even if he left you for her, he'd get bored and do the same thing to her. For 6 years? There is very little hope for reform for him.

He seems like a really charming, sweet talking, and skilled manipulator.

Now it's time for you to decide. Take the easy way out and believe what you want b/c it's easier than facing reality, or spend the rest of your life trying to find, or in a relationship with substance, trust, and the good kind of love.

Good luck

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