He Cheated Online - How could he do this to me?

by Anna
(Vietnam)

i have been in a long time relationship of 12 years with my bf ..we got 2 kids and just 2 months ago , we finally got married.he actually works overseas for three years and had been home twice. last time was september , that was when we finally got married. last october , i was looking at his fb account and found a message from a so called HS classmate. he was flirting with her and was saying like if he goes to that country where the girl is working , he would like to have a date with her .the girl seemed to just laugh at his comments and she just praised him for his body since my hubby loves to work out ever since.i confronted him regarding that , he said he never erased the message intentionally because it was nothing , saying it was just a joke to his old classmate. since then i have been very vigilant when it comes to his messages in fb even in YM .i even searched old messages with his classmates and found out that the girl was someone he liked way back in HS only that girl did not show interest in him before.just a week ago , with my uneasiness, i logged into his yahoo account . guess what ?? that girl , that same girl was on the top of his contact list . i was only second even if we do chat everyday. i was so devastated thinking that he sends messages to this girl more often , compared to me , his wife . makes you wanna think, what coud be their business to correspond that often. again i asked him about it but he only said he had not been in contact with her in YM since january . that the top contact list was an error since he bevemently said he has not sent her messages in YM. in response he deleted such girl from his messenger list though the girl is still on the address book list . yesterday , without him knowing , i deleted her from his address book and even deleted her from the deleted account list so he will not be able to check her address again. i know for a fact that my hubby is not good in remembering details like email addresses, he writes down only those important ones. having thought that maybe this was not as important as us , i thought this will be the end. BUT just this morning since it was our chat schedule , i woke up early and just thought of logging in to his YM account again ...voila!!! to my surprise , the address of the girl which i deleted was in the top contact list AGAIN , it says ADD REQUEST PENDING . this only means that the JERK added that girl ONCE AGAIN . i was so emotional, my hands were shaking so hard and i wanted to cry but can't since my son was in the room . i have never seen him send messages to his FB account since the october incident ,not even replying to messages from close friends. but who knows , he is wiser now to delete them before i could get a glimpse at them. So many things was going on my mind but when he finally logged in , i was already so angry . i felt so betrayed. same thing he lashed that i was just making assumptions , that there wasn't anything going on between them. when asked about the add request , he even said HE DOES NOT KNOW ?? does YM ADD CONTACT without the owner knowing it ? F**K HIM. we had a big fight , he was so defensive saying he did not do anything wrong. that it was just me . even said that if i don't stop regarding the issue , he will divorce me and will stop sending money for the kids...MY GOD ,,,the nerve of him to say it to me and his kids .how could he do this to me . he knew i don't have a job thus not sending money would definitely frighten me . he was very violent with his words , saying i was insecure that i can only think of crap .i am so so sad . cried for several hours already but the pain is too much. HOW COULD HE do this to me , to us. i feel like dying now.