Hurt and Confused

by KW
(WI)

I broke into my husband's email account because I had suspected that something was not right.

I found that he had been sending and receiving emails and pictures (nude pictures)from this woman he started talking to on facebook.

I had caught him talking to women on yahoo messenger. The night I caught him I was able to see the computer screen and it said "oh the things I would do to you".

When I asked him about it he said that it was just a friend. I said that friends don't say things like that to eachother.

He finally said that he had been talking to people online because he could tell them things that he couldn't tell me.

I'M HIS WIFE! HOW CAN YOU NOT TALK TO YOUR WIFE! We had a very long conversation about the messaging and he agreed to not do it again.

We cancelled his facebook and yahoo massenger. A few months later he had to be out of state for work.

I found out that he reactivated his accounts so I confronted him about it. He gave me the passwords but continued to talk to women on messenger because I couldn't monitor that.

He met the other woman online near the end of January, which was before I knew that the accounts were reactivated.

They talked all the time, messaged each other, and she sent nude pictures of her self (my husband was never fully exposed but he was damn near close).

They agreed to meet one day and he drove 3 hours to see her. He said that they only kissed and held hands, but he spent 4 hours with her.

The second time they met was at the same town as the first but on his birthday. He said they kissed and made out in a number of places.

The 3rd time they met was only 10 miles from our home. He had left me and our son home to go "turkey hunting" but actually went to see her (Friday). 30 minutes after getting there they had sex - many times.

The next morning he went to go work out but he really went to see her at the hotel again. I had to be out of town that weekend, but not until that Saturday afternoon.

After he was done with work he went to see her again. I had the worst feeling in my stomach and felt like I should go back home but I didn't. Instead I kept calling him.

He finally called me back around 10:30 at night. When I asked where he was, he said he was taking a walk. AT 10:30 AT NIGHT! I said.

I thought that it was very strange. He had the feeling that I was at home so he went back to our home (with her in the truck) to see if I was there. I wasn't. Her husband (that's right, she's married too) was wondering where she was and was yelling at her on the phone.

He let her go into our house as he waited in the truck so she could talk to her husband. After that they both went back to the hotel and he stayed there until the next morning.

He said that he wanted to tell me all that next week but couldn't find the words. That next friday he had a game so I was just casually going online to browse when I got the urge to check his facebook and email.

I still had the facebook password so I logged in and found a message she sent him. It disturbed me so I broke into his email and found all the messages and pictures that he didn't realize were still there.

See, he set up a new email that I found and was sending all those messages there but forgot to delete the sent messages.

When he got home I asked for his phone. He knew something was up. I asked if there was anything he wanted to tell me and he said no. Then I showed him the pictures I found of him.

He said "where did you get those" I asked again. He replied the same. So I showed him an entirely nude picture of her that I found. Thats when he finally admitted to the affair.

It has been 2 weeks since I found out. He has opened up to me more and says that he knows it was a mistake. However, he still has some feelings for her.

He says that they are a different type of feeling (whatever that means). I really love him so much and want to make things work for us and our 1 year old son.

I have never cheated on him and it hurts me to know that he is my only one, but i'm not his only one (we were eachother's firsts and only until May 1st).

I don't know if or how to trust him. I worry that we may never get over this. There are times when I can forget about it, but it always comes back.

He swears that one weekend was the only time and that it is already easier to forget about her and that it will never happen again, but I'm not sure I believe it.

How do I forgive and forget? Why couldn't he just say "NO!" Why did he have to betray our relationship, marriage, and family like that?

What do I do?