I don't think our language has a word for what it means to overlook what's super obvious....is it love or gullibility?

by Jessica
(Snohomish Washington)

Ok So I've been with this man for 5 years. The whole story is too much to say all at once but I just got home from being out of town for 9 days. H

He was an hour late picking me from the train station in downtown Seattle at midnight. He was mad at me when i called him from a cab driver's phone (no i didn't have cab money) for harping on him.

Having looked at our security cams when i got home, he left the house a half hour after he knew i'd arrive.

AS if that's the first thing that seemed odd.
I've not been out of town in a year. I was told a few friends stopped by, namely a girlfriend of a guy he kisses up to for popularity and xanax. This is the umpteenth time he's oddly referred to his girlfriend as the guy's "friend".

I immediately reacted. I've only changed a title like that if i had personal interest in such a acquaintance. He swears it was a Freudian slip.

Well this girl who i know and i've managed to thwart the presence of for the last few years even brought a friend with her this time and after he told me they both came over once to look for her boyfriend (uh-huh), he promised that no girl was ever here all by herself.

Then I checked what remained of the security camera footage from the nine days. the first 5 days were gone already. The recording began at 1am and there was a black car parked cleverly in front of some bushes barely seen by the camera till morning at 9 when he walked a female i don't know outside, they picked the blueberries i grew together, nervously walked around the yard for about a half hour, gave each other the kind of awkward hug that says "thanks for the strange, let's hope we get away with this now" and she finally took off after flailing around my garden for a while.

So i asked him, he adamantly said nothing happened and she was here chatting (all night) for no real reason other than she was having boyfriend problems (i bet!).

Then i saw the day i came home she arrived again this time with a shirtless male driving her. she hand motioned to the man in the car something to the effect of stay in the car or such. she entered the garage with my man and a good half hour later she and he came out the front door and again nervously he walked her to her car.

If that was her boyfriend why the hell didn't he come in too? And how long should it take to pick up a bag of mj from someone? He had told me they pulled up and he handed it to them in the car. LIES.
Oh and then there is the two pairs of underwear that arent mine in the laundry i found after he told me please don't do any laundry till he has a chance to level the machine.
And the lube we had was gone , lest the slathering of it on the handrail going upstairs and the sex toy we have yet to use that he says it spilled on. And i honeslty am sure it's a differnt kind than the one we bought and also there's four hotel napkins in the laundry too and two new hotel hand towels as well.

I'd be the dumbest woman alive to go along with this right? 5 years and this isn't the first or the worst but if i say anything he freaks out about a guy i dated while we were broke up and says i'm the cheater.
I"m being verbally abused to the hilt and i don't know what to do now that i'm looking at proof of being blatantly lied to and of course a few hours after i told him about what i saw on the cameras i looked again and the recording starts one hour after she left now.

That's why he sent me to the store this morning. to erase the recording he thought he had already taken care of but had left a little evidence on accident.

Mind you he makes me keep my phone gps on and checks every thing i do on my phone and insists i answer for every moment of every day with great detail . He can't even remember Where the lube spilled or why he was late to pick me up from the train. I feel really dumb saying this "outloud" becasue i'd smack me and say duh jessica the guy's a piece of cheating shit hello!!!

It's always right after ya totally accept a person for all their flaws that you find out they're heartless and typical and now i've got a whole different situation than i thought i had.

Why can't man just hide it better? A one night stand would be not the end of the world if he just had erased their flirtatious texts and told me none of it at all. I'm beside myself with "what now"? we just got back together after months apart and were in no way having troubles so this is happening when we're doing great? oh god!

Jess