I feel like the world's dumbest person.....

by Nekoda
(Mobile, Alabama)

Well. Me and my girlfriend met online and things got serious and I flew across the world to see her, and then I paid for her to fly to see me. Then there was a long period of time we were both too busy in our own worlds that we couldn't fly to see each other. But, after about 6 months of texting as skyping everyday, I finally flew to stay with her again a couple of weeks. Up until the last couple days, I felt so happy being with her, everything was perfect. But then she fell asleep, and I saw a text message from someone on her phone, so I went through her phone as saw she had been calling and texting this guy, but I didn't say anything. Then. The next morning. I told her I went through her phone and she acted crazy calling me all types of things and saying she would leave me for it. After that, things settled and we were ok until that night, I asked her if she cheated on me and she started crying and said she had and then we had a huge ordeal of me getting her to try to leave, and her crying and begging for forgiveness. So I go back to the states, and she swears she only did this twice with this guy, and she felt so guilty and all this bullcrap. And she acts so cold about it if I bring it up, and I can tell she doesn't regret it at all. But she swears on her life that she hasn't done it since, and won't do it, and she wants to marry me and all this stuff. So I am still dating her because I feel like she deserves the benefit of the doubt. But it is so hard and stressful knowing that she could be cheating on me right now and I could never know. I would never do it to her. I truly loved our relationship and invested thousands of dollars to see her, and I'll I get is a cheating gf who tells me to suck it up and forget it or to just leave her. Why is life so cruel? What do I do? Does she love me? If she doesn't love me, why doesn't she just leave me? Did I do something wrong to deserve this? I have always done everything I can to make sure she has everything she needs and wants, and I feel like the world's dumbest person.