is this emotional abuse / will he always be a cheater

I am married to my husband for 21 years. We were both married before this. His first marriage ended after about 3 years due to going out and doing whatever he wanted.

His first wife suspected cheating and could not prove it but didnt want to live not knowing so she divorced him. We met a year later in another state, went out for a while than he moved in.

While living together I found out he had cheated several times. (told me he had to go off island for work not true went to pick up women at strip club, his hotel reciept had his name AND GUEST) not me i was at home.

he called from work one night to tell me he would not be home cause he had an early morning banquet function, not true later found out he checked in at the hotel he worked at with a woman)

I confronted him he only admitted. to the out of town incident. I taught things were better after a while and we got married.

I have been living ever since wondering if he is cheating or not. About two years ago I found out that he has contacted with an old girlfriend who lives on an other island.

He does all of this through his work office phone and work computer.Everything he does is always behind my back.

He is in total denial and says that she is just a friend. When this first happened we went to counseling he admitted to this and said he called her to let her know they needed to end the calls.


I will never know if he really did call or if he is still talking to her today. I have no trust in him I cant talk to him if I say anything he backs away.

I went to see a lawyer to get a divorce When she asked me if I was sure that this is what I really wanted.

I told her NO what I wanted was for my husband to disclose everything and get help for his inapproiate behavior. (he is also sarcastic and arrogant)

We are in counseling again but this time he will not admit to anything. He tells this new counseler that he only went the first time to make things right with me but that he was not having an emotional affair with this ex they were just to old friends talking.

He also told our new counsler that the girls he slept with while we lived together before marriage was not cheating because we were not married yet.

I think he wont admit because he does not want me to have any proof of his cheating. He cares more about what he has to lose in a divorce than me or our marriage.

Dont have any hope after the last two sessions at counsling but at least I can say I tried everything to help him get over his issues.

We have not been intimate for over a year. Which is why Im sure if not an affair he has had an emotional affair with some one.

I now have no energy left to put into this marriage.