Just overworried or do I have a reason to be suspicious?

by Tootyfruity
(Netherlands)

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We live 2,5 hours away from each other so I only see him once a week this doesn't help!

I have been feeling guilty for reading some of his Facebook conversations, he left his account open on my laptop and I have been cheated on twice in the past.

Not that this is any excuse but I just couldn't help it.

So there's this older guy he's been talking to, he's a friend because they both play in bands.
The older guy's band has been doing pretty well the last two decades so he is always talking about groupies and stuff...

I know guys like to brag and all, but they talk about wanting a threesome and also their last conversation was about fu**ing another woman.

The other guy is the type of man that thinks cheating is okay as long as you don't tell your girlfriend or wife so you don't hurt their feelings.

This is what he literally said and also admits to have been doing himself with his girlfriend for 15 years.

My boyfriend said he would want to fu** another woman but that he wouldn't be able to lie to me and that I wouldn't deserve this.

Now that's a good thing of him to say, but the part that he would want to mess around with another girl kind of got to me.

I mean of course guys are allowed to fantasize about other women, nothing wrong with that but it just bothers me that he would even think about it.

Also the conversation moves on about his ex girlfriend, saying she was like the hottest girl ever bla bla bla so I see it like okay so I'm like a step down for him?

I don't know how to deal with this kind of stuff.
And I know people say, why would you even read his stuff but I am just looking out for myself here.

The plan is I'm moving to his house as soon as I'm done with my degree and I don't want to end up cheated on and living in some strange place where I don't know anyone.

I love my boyfriend and it just really bothers me that he talks to this guy, which he obviously looks upon as a role model because of his experience and success in bands.

Am I just being too suspicious or do I have a reason that my gut feeling is saying someday he will cheat on me.

Please advise me here, I can't just say that I read their conversation because that would just kill our relationship.

But on the other hand I can't walk around with knowing this.

And like every conversation between them ends up on this screwing around subject. He is also touring a lot together with this guy and I get the feeling like this man would persuade him to just go hook up with someone else as long as I'm not there with him which I usually not.

Please help!