Mrs. Heartache - "I don't want the insecurities this relationship gives me."

by Mrs. Heartache
(California)

I don't want the insecurities this relationship gives me


Hi, I have been married for almost 4 years. At the beginning of the relationship we both did not want any commitments with each other, we had exes we talked to continuously and many trust issues and insecurities, we were not seeing anyone but we would chat, email and be on phone conversations even though we were living together, we did not have any boundaries or rules and decide to end the relationship and to stop living together.

We decided to come back and try again, we had fallen for each other eventually and probably noticed we cared for each other and had simply started the relationship in a childish way.

We got married and decided to live at my aunt's. This decision brought many problems, we couldn't live in peace. Everything was just a fight. A few months had passed and we were having so many horrible fights we decided we were going to break up, he had had an opportunity to go on vacation to our country and ended up sleeping with his ex and breaking my heart, he came back pretending there was nothing wrong and I just knew there was something he was hiding.

I went into his email and confronted him, his only option was to come clean (I had discovered his infidelity). We broke up he moved away (taking some of the "valuables" from our room. He went back to be with her again and when he came back he had come to the conclusion he wanted me not her and almost a year after going back an forth we decided to come back with no bullshit on the sides and with complete honesty. Is been 2 years since that decision and we were doing great. Supposedly he didn't have any contact with his ex but I found some emails that show he is still in contact with her, I confronted him again and he said it was nothing bad they are just friends for a long time.

I don't know what to do, I was ready to get a divorce because I cannot keep living my life like this, he says he won't talk to her ever again but even if I try to believe in his word I cant.

He is supposed to be going on vacation to his country again and nothing can give me peace of mind this time.

I don't know what I have done to deserve this but I think whatever I'm paying for should have been paid already with all the tears and heartbreaks I have been through.

I just want somebody who respects me and our relationship. I don't want the insecurities this relationship gives me.

He is never going to change, he is never going to kick her out of his life and painfully I admit that on my heart.

I already know he won't have the balls to do it. I'm very sad but I don't want to live my life like this. What would you ladies do?