Once bitten, twice shy

I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is not right...

I had that feeling. I could feel he was being distant and acting a bit strange. He went out one night weird as hell.

Then that weekend he went to his Christmas work party, I got upset because he said that I could go then changed his mind.

He came home later that night. I looked through his phone. He had messages to another woman asking to meet him out, she must not have though because he came home.

When I found those messages, I went red with rage and called her - no answer, just as well.

I confronted my boyfriend, and he admitted that he had been talking to her, but nothing physical happened, which I believed him, and ultimately took him back.

Fast forward 2 months, we are starting to get on track, slowly but surely. I still had feelings of mistrust, but was trying to not let it control me and I really wanted to work it out.

I had another feeling in the pit of my stomach, I questioned him about his phone and why he always hid it, and he got defensive when I asked him about it.

He would get angry and say I don't trust him and I never will... he still did not leave his phone around, this made me more suspicious.

The other night when he feel asleep, I went through his pants and found his phone and looked through it. In the drafts messages there was a message to the same women asking her why she wasn't talking to him and asking if she just slept with him out of pity!!!!

This time I was furious!!!! I confronted him again.... and he actually denied it... he spun some sad story that two of his contractors at his work had written the message when he wasn't looking to conspire to break us up to get back at him for being a hard boss, I told him how can that be if your phone is usually glued to you 24/7.

To top it off, the message was written on a weekend, he does not work on a Saturday, he tried to tell me the phone mixes up the dates.

WTF I did not fall out of tree the other day!!!! I am leaving, but I am so angry. I know he cheated on me with her. He is begging and pleading me not to go..

I have decided to leave him. I do NOT want to be with someone that has hurt me twice - he will do it again...

I am so angry right now and all I want to do is inflict pain on him and make him grovel.. but I know this is not healthy.

I am just going to take one step at a time, eventually let the anger go and move on with my life.

There is more to life than having toxic people and relationships in your life.