Serial Seducer -"I loved two men, but for different reasons.."

by Amore Adorable
(95826)

I Loved Two Men, But for Different Reasons

I had an affair and since have sought out something I feel I am either missing in my life and need. It maybe that feeling one get's when seduced; excitement, seduction, desires; lust.
He was younger, a situation I never thought I would be caught in as I loved my husband more than my own life, but my marriage had it's troubles, so much so I literally shut myself out of what was really going on.

Until I met this man, we became friends, he noticed how my husband was towards me, my husband had no interest in anything I did, always rude to me in public, and resented any friendship I had with anyone, so much so I decided not to have any so he wouldn't be negative towards me.

This younger man, eventually wanted more from me. I rejected his advances towards me, but it had been years since my husband cared to show me affection, no sex, no communication, he slept in another room, left me to manage the home and finances, he wasn't working, did nothing to be my partner.

This younger man tried with all his advances to break me to express my feelings about my life, about who I am, and he wanted to spend more time with me. I saw nothing wrong with having walks with him, play tennis with him, I wasn't going to fall for his advances.

I begged my husband to pay more attention to me, to seek marriage counseling, something to help us because I was getting to believe he didn't love me anymore, but he said he did, it's just the way he is, but I also said that someone is making advances towards me, that I was not interested to please do something about us because I may not have the strength to do what is right and I will want a divorce.

My husband said he would change everyday he said that, but everyday was the same. Finally, one day, this young man wrote his feelings to me. I couldn't believe that someone younger than me would want me like that. After all, sex is sex, age doesn't matter for that, but for a relationship, to me it did.

I continued to reject him for two years, and in those years my husband did not change, no job, no nothing really. One day this young man came to see me at work, and it started with a kiss. That kiss was like magic to me whole life. Thus began an affair.

I wanted it to stop, but he did not, then he wanted it to stop, and I did not, back and forth we were. This continued for a year until I finally couldn't take it anymore.

I confessed to my husband. He understood, hurt, but let me go to this man who claimed he loved me so much, he wanted to be with me. Unfortunately for me, this man did not honor me, and so my marriage was in despair, but my husband still wanted me back, he woke up from whatever it was he was under, started to pay attention to me more, but I was emotionally attached to this other man.

I was caught between two men, and I created a hell for myself. My husband could not forget what I did, but please understand that in my marriage, he always quit his jobs, always was this way, and in our early years of marriage had affairs, and later was extremely flirtatious with other women in front of me with no shame.

He is not a victim what-so-ever, but he was hurt just the same. We had horrible, physical and verbal confrontations, I became an emotional wreck, and my children were affected by this.

I was back and forth with these two men, not knowing what was best for me. My heart was already attached to the other man, I was not strong enough to walk away from him, and yet my husband loved me so much he always wanted me back, and I still loved him as well.

I loved two men, but for different reasons. I went to counseling with my husband, but he did not like to learn that in our session was told that he married me out of false pretense, because from day one he cheated on me and never cared to change his ways, yet all he could say was..."I never loved her like that, but now I do."

Now that another man came into the picture does he love me so much. He also said that he knew I loved him so much that it was my fault for forgiving him each time, because that made him feel he can do it again, because I would never leave him.

To hear this made my world crash even more so. I can tell you this, affairs aren't right, in my case, what it did was wake my husband up to see the errors in his ways with a loving, loyal, supportive wife.

We are still together, ups and downs, it's been a struggle because I am emotionally attached to the other and he knows this, yet I do not admit it to him, but time will heal and mend what is meant to be.

I can not judge another for their affairs, is it right? No, but things happen for a reason. Men cheat for sexual pleasure, women, more so for emotional reasons.

I was one of those women in this world. I resented myself for not being strong enough to fight against my vulnerable emotional needs, I am a proud woman, that failed herself.

I was to proud to leave my marriage for fear of failure and so I held onto it and gave it all I could, but a camel can only carry so much until it's master relieves the weight. I was too proud to seek help.