Thought I Was Your Wife.. "til i found out you married some one else .. to get your papers!!!!"

by Crystal
(Hamilton, Ontario, Canada)

Still have nightmares of you beating me like it was just yesterday.the night when the alcohol crept up and stole the man i thought i loved all because you have betraid.

it was like the demon took over. The look in your eyes. like there was no life. they were glazed over and full of darkness. the hatrid known as yo Aur pride. i cried for you to stop it was like i was talking but nothing was coming out of my mouth.I still remember the terror i had as i curled up into a fetal position. Hoping it would all be over soon.

What tortures me the most and what makes me scream is the brutal lies, the sleepless nights. hours after hours waiting for you to come home to me, the truth that you had a secret life and i stuck around like a fool.

How you talked in your sleep . How you even called me her name on the phone. I also remember being taken off the lease so she could be on it.

Or the time when i was in the hospital for slitting my wrists and the whole time i was in there you slept with my best friend .

After everything my heart still had enough love to give to you although it hurt like hell.There are still times when i just yank my hair and start to yell.

I moved on with my life but i will never trust again and every relationship falls to an end. ya thats what happens when a girl like me goes through bullshit by having the wrong taste in a man. I use to want to get married and i used to have this perfect little image in my head of the whole white dress and how the reception would be. but not anymore. i never want to be wifey material.

I dont even cook for anyone anymore because i dont want to have that feeling again where i cook on a special day and the dinner is left on the table getting cold hour after hour. Im not running anyone down... you know who you are. i mean i was partially to blame that night i should have shut my mouth even if you really did kiss her. but i still didnt deserve anything. You always belittled me saying i was never going to change i wasnt your type mean while i was always faithful to you. yes i talked to other guys but they were only my friends. Look at the time where you slapped me in the face for staring out the window when we were driving in the probe the time you thought i was looking at the other guy. What about the time you spat in my face. You say you still love me but lets be honest how could you really love someone when you did all of this to me. i cant lie for you anymore.

My heart hurts to the point where i cant breathe. I dont care if you get mad and say all of this isnt true but you and i both know it is..And just because i have money for sex doesnt mean you have the right to call me a low life. with the money i make i will be able to buy all the things i want in life in half the time. I never wish you bad things but i dont wish you well. Your an arabic piece of shit.im sorry for saying all of this but i needed to let this out before it kills me slowly. i forgive you. i forgive all of those who has hurt me. And to the ones i hurt im sorry and hopefully you understand that i never meant to really hurt you.!!!!!!!