Through His Eyes

by DebbieM
(Canada)

a movie with my first born daughter
a night of popcorn and girl chatter
a night to remember of bonding and laughter

we part our ways at the end of the night
a memory to last for years to come
so happy to see her so full of delight

home by ten
a soft sweetdreams as I tuck my baby in
you at the bar, yet again

off to bed and feeling good
after a wonderful night with my bestgirl
I awake in the night and there you stood

stumbling and reaking of rum
an anger in your eyes i'd seen so many times
fumbling your words like a liquorstore bum

you laugh and say "I hope you had a good time"
I am dazed and confused and unsure what I'd done
you approach and say "this time you crossed the line"

you ask "how was he"
as you unfasten your belt
I cry and respond that I was with my baby

you yell as you say "you wont make a fool of me"
I plead and I beg
"I did nothing wrong, you'll see"


as you held me tight against the bed
pulled yourself atop of me
there is nothing I could of said

I begged and cried
as you pinned my arms down
in that single moment my soul died

I lay in the bed and close my eyes
trying to remember a happier time
you are not listening to my cries

I eventually stop struggling and just lay still
my soul escapes me as I struggle to breathe
as you take me against my will


you finish and mumble "you liked that didnt you"
I turned away and just wished I could die
knowing all you want to to is argue


my son lay awake in his bed crying
asking himself over and over why
he cant comprehend why mom keeps trying

I wait patiently for you to fall asleep
knowing if I could just get to my son, I'd get out
The fear has never run so deep


my legs are numb and I can barely walk
you awaken before my feet hit the ground
and yell get back here we need to talk

my heart starts to pound and im consumed with fear
I make a run for his room
I need to get him out of here


never making it to that doorknob
grasping for the walls as you drag me down the hall
hearing in the distance my child sob

you pushed and you hit
telling me its my fault
I'd never seen anyone in such an angry fit


I'd hope and I'd pray
just let me be dreaming
god please just let me live another day

you throw me out the frontdoor
battered and beaten
barefoot in my nightgown you had tore

begging to let me have my son
you turn out the lights and leave me broken
satisfied because you have won

I make my way to my childs window
my nightgown completely soaken
I softly whisper "open the window so we can go"

driving away and remembering how it started such a good day
I look into his eyes and see the pain
he reaches for my hand and says "Im just glad you're ok"


worse then the pain of what happened this night
is the guilt I feel for what I've done to him
the innocent witness to the ultimate fight

my head spins around and around the days on my life
I wonder if my child would still have a mom
had I become, your wife

I squeeze his hand and promise, I won't go back
I promise this is it, no more pain and forgiveness
this was the final attack

He turns his head and I watch as a single tear falls down his cheek
I feel the pain in his heart as he turns to me and says
"That's what you said lastweek"