what to do

by Rick

I've been with my fiance for a total of 5 years now and have been happily (or so i thought) engaged for 1 year.

About 3 weeks ago she made a new friend and seeing she is a freshman in college and didnt know anyone i was really happy for her.

Well i noticed everytime i was at work ( 2nd shift 4 to midnight) she would always go to her friends house. It didnt bother me at first but after 2 weeks straight of always going there every night i was actually a little worried.

Her friends nick name is Panda and my fiances name is amanda (panda's real name is amanda too so its confusing)

I could tell things were akward between me and amanda for about a week and then i decided to just ask why are things so akward between us.

She said i dont know but i feel the same way. i jokeingly made a lesbian joke about her and panda and i seen that that hit a nerve. so thats how i found out i decided to dig deeper.

I found this information out on a sunday, amanda told me that all they did was kiss a few times she would not go into detail about how they kissed and would not tell me why.

She of course promises me that it will never happen again. so i take that information and i almost completly forgive her seeing as it was just a kiss and not really that big of a thing.

Well i could still feel things were way to akward between us so i played dirty and read her txts and found some very unsettling ones.

I wake her up in the middle of the night on monday morning about 2:00 am so not even two days after she told me about the kiss. i tell her she has to tell me the truth about what happend even tho i allready knew it.

She didnt tell me till after maybe the tenth time i said she needs to tell me and it turns out that panda went down on her. and thats all the farther that went.

I love amanda more then anything and honestly dont see my life without her i want to make this work with us and she says she does too.

so now you know the back story her are my questions:

1. amanda and panda still want to see each other as friends but im not sure about it ive met panda and honestly i can feel i trust her but she has told me that she does love amanda. amanda wont tell me she loves panda but says she does really like her but she wants to stay with me. so any thoughts on that would be nice.

2. do you think i should stay with amanda even tho she lied to me twice about it and still wont be open with me about it all.

3. i know time is suposed to heal all wounds but i just cant seem to think ill ever get the image of those two together out of my head. i dont know if i can ever be physical with amanda again. any help on how to get rid of the images?

4. ive got them to agree on not seeing each other even as friends for atleast a week so i can somewhat sort this out. today is day 1 of that week but i know i dont want them to see each other even as friends is it wrong of me to tell her that she cant see her again or give her the option ...its either her or me?

5. any other thoughts i would greatly like i feel lost and disconnected form my body like im looking at this all from outside my body. she cheated on me on the 22 of feb and i found out on the 1st of march and the whole story on the 2nd of march so thank you all in advance thank you for your time and help i really need it.



~Rick